My blog is about the scenic, stressful, spectacular life (and everything screwy in between) of a
California girl turned expat transplanted to the land down under: North Queensland, Australia.

November 11, 2010

Free Write.

I got this idea from The Adorkable Ditz, and I’m glad I wrote it all out yesterday because I just don’t have the strength to write today.

Scene from a Starbucks

Lucie pulled up to the Starbucks near her house. It was a particularly cold December day, and the coastal breeze didn’t help with the chill she was already feeling. She had only been back in her hometown for three weeks, and there was a lot of unfinished business she felt needed attending to. Nothing a pumpkin latte couldn’t fix, she thought. Lucie grabbed the cashmere scarf sitting on the passenger seat, wrapped it around her neck, and got out of her car. The mist in the air almost guaranteed that it would be raining soon.

She opened the door to Starbucks and got into the pretty long line. In front of her was a man about the same height as her that looked very familiar. Lucie shook her head and thought, there is just no way. After about thirty seconds the curiosity got the best of her so she got on her tip toes and slightly tilted her body forward to look closer at the back of the man’s neck. Two identical moles, staring back at her like eyes. It was Paul. There was no doubt about it. A rush of emotions flooded Lucie, and she turned to leave, but as she turned she realized a line had formed behind her. She turned back to face forward and froze. Do I say something? Do I act like nothing happened? Almost a year had passed since she had even spoken to Paul, and although she always had ideas in her mind about what to say to him, she could never bring herself to say them, even when he was so far away and she missed him like crazy. At that moment “Lilac Wine” by Nina Simone faded into the coffee house speakers, and she briefly closed her eyes and thought about the last time she had spoken to Paul.

“Listen to me. I literally have ONE WEEK to give my decision. I need your help! I need your advice, please! I need you to tell me if I am making the right choice!” Lucie’s voice was trembling in frustration as she pleaded with Paul. He muttered back, “I can’t tell you how to live your life. You’ve been going on and on about getting this promotion for over a month, and now you have it. What is there to give advice on?” Lucie looked over at him and he was sitting on his couch watching a documentary. He wasn’t even making eye contact with her. This made her very angry. “Paul, damn it! This is the biggest decision of my life, and you’re watching a TV show? What the hell is that about? Don’t you want me to stay? Don’t you love me?” Paul stood up and walked toward Lucie. “You know how I feel, but this isn’t about me. What do you want?”

“You know what I want Paul. What I’ve always wanted. It’s been five years. I’m not asking you for a ring. I don’t want babies. Why can’t we just move in together? I mean, I’m over here most nights and when I’m not here you’re at my place. What’s the difference?”

“There is a big difference, Lucie. Moving in is a commitment, and I’m not ready to give that to you. To anyone. I mean we’re only 25. That’s nothing. I’ve had three girlfriends in my entire life, and I haven’t even seen the world. I don’t feel like I can truly give you what you want when I don’t even know what I want. What I do know is I’m not ready for any of this. I’m not ready for a house, or babies, or to be someone’s husband”. Lucie couldn’t understand how to get him to realize how much she loved him. “Why am I not good enough, Paul? Why can’t I just be enough? You’ve thought I’ve been enough for five years, Paul. Five years! I’ve given you everything I have to give. You are the one for me. Why can’t you see that?”

“I do see that, Lucie. But I’m just not ready. I like things the way they are”. Paul put his hands on Lucie’s shoulders and looked her square in the eye. “You need to do what’s best for you now, Lucie. Not for me.” This infuriated Lucie. “How can you say that? YOU’RE WHAT’S BEST FOR ME!!! That’s it, Paul. That’s it. I’ve done everything you’ve ever asked for. Everything! Now I have the chance of a lifetime and you don’t even seem to care! I’m done Paul. Done. I am going to accept the job in New York. I am going to leave in two weeks. I’m not going to call you or see you. This is it, do you understand me? If you change your mind and realize what I mean to you, give me a call.” Lucie grabbed her coat and headed towards the door. As she grabbed the handle she broke down and started to sob. She turned to Paul. “I love you so much. More than you’ll ever know. All I want is for us to try. What’s so wrong with that?” She turned away and slammed the door.

 

Part two on Saturday…

7 comments:

  1. Sweetie, I have some bloggy love for you over at my place for when you are feeling better.

    The story is great, cant wait for part two now

    ReplyDelete
  2. You can't just leave it like that!!! Ok, ok i'll wait for the next installment...

    ReplyDelete
  3. I have enjoyed you writing immensely since I found your blog, but girl, you can seriously write! Wow.

    I, too, left you a tag over on my blog - not too long. Hope you like the questions. [They're easy. :)]

    ReplyDelete
  4. Great writing....I can't wait for the next part!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Awwww I feel flattered! I liked it and I want to see more when you have the chance!

    http://theadorkableditzmissteps.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  6. I'm glad you guys like it! Morgan, I love your story so far!

    ReplyDelete